Kelsee B. Hankins

Moving in together is a huge deal for any couple. It’s incredibly appealing because you can split costs and chores, and no longer worry about keeping up two places. Wouldn’t it be romantic to wake up with your sweetie every single day? Of course! But there are many pros and cons to consider before you take the relationship-changing leap of living together. Here are 10 tips to make sure you’re moving in together for the right reasons and to make this relationship transition a little more harmonious.

Before Moving in Together

  1. Talk about why you want to live together, and share your expectations
    This is an important conversation to have. Make sure that you both are together on what this move means to you: individually, and for your relationship. The sooner you can be on the same page as a couple, the better. Do you expect to know where he is every moment he's not with you? Do you expect her to ask you before she invites someone over? Will the parents be coming by unannounced? Will the parents know about your new arrangement? Does this imply eventual marriage or not at all? Talk it out.

    Will it be romantic disaster if one of you can't pay your part?
    Will it be romantic disaster if one of you can't pay your part?
  2. Have a money talk ASAP
    Money is actually one of the biggest stressors for couples, whether they live together or not. Deciding who is going to actually be on the lease and be responsible for utilities is important. In times of trouble, the credit rating of the person on the hook could take a hit. What services do you want in your apartment (internet, cable, Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc.) and who pays for those? Who will create and maintain the household budget? Do you both have emergency funds? What are your long-term financial goals as a couple? 
  3. Inventory your possessions before the move.  Seriously.
    Take stock of what each of you actually owns before you combine your households. There’s no reason to have two coffee makers, two living room sets, and so on. Work together to decide what to keep and what to toss or store elsewhere. And depending on how much you trust each other, you might want to consider signing off on who owns what, when it comes to valuable items.
  4. Keep the larger bed
    If one of you has a bigger bed than the other, always choose the larger of the two, providing you'll have room for it. You’ll be glad you did.

    moving in together reveals non-negotiables
    Living together can reveal previously unspoken non-negotiables.
  5. Reveal your non-negotiables
    Your partner is not a mind-reader. It's your responsibility to reveal what would completely gross you out, break your heart or cause an actual fight . . . BEFORE you sign a lease. Like it or not, you both need some ground rules so there aren't any wicked surprises. Spending a weekend together is different than living together. By now, you’ve both acquired your own life habits in maintaining your homes. Before you move in together, you've got to figure out how you want your lives to fit together without anyone feeling bad on a daily basis.

After Moving In Together

  1. Carve out personal spaces
    In some homes, finding any spare area to create a personal space can be tricky. Whether it’s creating a cozy reading nook by the window; claiming a designated area for musical instruments ortreasured  cookbooks; or just staking out the largest bathroom drawer, having your own “personal spaces” are important for yourselves as individuals and as a couple.
  2. Compromise. And then compromise again.
    Moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend means making a few compromises so that you can actually live together. You are working to make your new home a home for the both of you. You might need to compromise on decor, kitchen appliances, TV volume or even the type of light bulbs you use. If you want the home to reflect both your personalities, and be a sanctuary for you both, you’ll have to learn to meet in the middle.
  3. Still go out for date night
    Just because you’re living together, don’t take your partner for granted. Make sure to get out of the house and socialize as you did before moving in together. Continue to make your relationship a priority. (Always wearing sweatpants at home might be dangerous to your libidos)

    date night is important when living together
    Make time during the week to get out together.
  4. Don’t neglect other friendships
    It’s easy to get wrapped up in each other once you move in together, but don’t forget about everyone else. Take an evening or weekend away with your besties, or go see family. Maintaining outside relationships and activities is important.
  5. Communicate. Always communicate.
    When living together, your partner will inevitably get on your nerves. It will happen, trust us. It’s important to communicate what bothers you and what makes you happy. Don’t let the little things bottle up, just speak your mind. Keeping the door open to healthy communication helps stop resentments from forming. Even the little things you say in passing, like compliments, mean a lot over time.Have you ever lived with a boyfriend or girlfriend? What do you wish you had asked or known before you moved in together?



About The Author

Kelsee is an Indianapolis based creative professional - singer, actress, director, writer, teacher, and all that jazz. She writes about all things Indy, theatre, arts, personal finance, food, politics, free, and everyday life. Keep up with her shenanigans on her blog.