How to Break Up with Your Roommate

Roommate breakups aren’t fun, but they can be manageable...

Roommate breakups aren’t fun, but they can be manageable.

Breaking up is often hard to do, even when there’s no romance involved. Sometimes a roommate breakup can be even tougher than a romantic one. You live together, after all… all the time!

Sometimes, a break is mutual, driven by outside forces that have absolutely nothing to do with the roommate relationship. But in cases where personality conflicts are the motivation, steer clear of bad blood (or actual bloodshed) by following these basic tips on how to break up amicably with a roommate.

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Should You Live Alone or with a Roommate?

To decide whether to fly solo or find a roommate, ask yourself these pertinent questions.

To decide whether to fly solo or find a roommate, ask yourself these pertinent questions.

Which one is better: living alone or with a roommate? There’s no right answer to this question — it just depends on you and your preferences.

If you’re trying to decide whether to fly solo or start auditioning potential roommates, you may find some clarity by asking yourself these questions.

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Dividing Up Chores With Your Roommates

Dirty dishes in an apartment

Don't let dirty dishes pile up. Discuss and divide chores with your roommates.

Living with roommates can be both fun and stressful. Movie nights, parties and inside jokes are just a few of the reasons living with roommates is fun. However, when it comes to chores, it might not be so pleasant. A simple way to avoid confrontation and passive aggressive behavior is by discussing chores with your roommates before getting completely settled into your new apartment. Here are a few ideas on how to split up household duties and avoid any drama.

Discuss the Chores
Call a roommate meeting one night to talk about the chores. It may seem lame, but this little step will go a long way. Decide what chores need to be taken care of, how you will purchase cleaning supplies and how often things will get done around your apartment. To make it easier, create a list of chores. Here’s an example:

  • Clean the kitchen
  • Sweep/vacuum the floors
  • Dust
  • Scrub the toilets, showers, bathtubs and sinks
  • Running the dishwasher/emptying the dishwasher
  • Clean the fridge
  • Take out trash
  • Wash the windows
  • Pay bills

Divide the Chores
You probably have chores that you absolutely hate doing, which means your roommates probably have chores they hate to do as well. Create a list of chores you enjoy, don’t mind and hate. If you hate vacuuming but your roommate loves it, then let your roommate do that. If more than one roommate enjoys vacuuming, then take turns doing it. The same goes for certain chores that you hate. Scrubbing the toilet isn’t the best chore, so alternate turns to do this. For the other chores, you can divide them up by drawing chores out of a hat, or just take turns volunteering to do them. If you divide the chores up randomly, there will be fewer hard feelings.

Make a Chart or Calendar
Use a wall calendar to write everyone’s duties down, or create a chart that lists all of the roommates’ names and their responsibilities next to it. This way, there is no confusion as to who is responsible for what. If it works better, rotate the chores every month. This way, you won’t get stuck with scrubbing the bathtub for the entire length of your lease. To keep everyone accountable for their responsibilities, initial next to your chore when you have completed it.

Buying Supplies
Divide the cost of supplies evenly among your roommates. Supplies can include trash bags, all-purpose cleaners and dishwasher detergent. Discuss how much each roommate is willing to spend on cleaning supplies to make sure everyone can afford it.

Different Preferences
Remember that just because you like perfect lines when vacuuming doesn’t mean your roommate feels that straight visible lines are necessary. You can have those vacuum lines when it’s your turn to tackle that chore. Also, keep in mind that everyone has a different schedule; don’t set a time when chores should be done. If a few days have passed and your roommate has not completed his or her task, nicely remind him or her. If you know your roommate is busy, offer to switch chores if that will work out better.

Photo Credit: iStockphoto/CamiloTorres

How to Plan Great Meals with Your Roommate

Check out these tips to make meal planning with your roommate a great success!

You and your roommate might not have much in common, but you both need to eat. And unless you work radically different schedules, you’re probably eating at about the same times. So if you happen to be hungry in the same place at the same time, why not coordinate and plan meals together?

Here are some tips to make meal planning with your roommate a success.

Start small. Meal planning is a change. You don’t have to commit to a weekly meal plan right away. Try coordinating dinner together once or twice, and see how it works out.

Start simple. If you’ve never cooked for your roommate before, now is not the time to try that twenty-step recipe from Gourmet requiring cheesecloth and seared tuna. Also, it’s a good idea to discuss in advance any food preferences or allergies, and to try something relatively simple and healthy. (Include a salad: each of you can customize it with dressings!)

Divide up the tasks.  Any meal requires three tasks, besides the eating:

  • Getting the required ingredients and cooking utensils together
  • Preparing the food
  • Cleaning up afterward

You and your roommate will have to figure out who takes on which of the tasks and how to coordinate them. You might shop separately, each taking half of an agreed list of ingredients. One of you might do the cooking, with the other clearing the table and washing dishes, for instance.

Stay within budgets.  What you spend on any given meal will vary, and it can be hard to figure out who paid a fair share for Tuesday’s omelets and Thursday’s chili. One strategy is to alternate paying for groceries from week to week, and let the person who’s buying set the meal plan. That way you’re not stuck with the bill when your roommate has an idea for a side of porcini mushrooms and delicately-aged cheese.

Don’t feel the need to plan every meal, every time. If your initial forays into planning a meal together work for the both of you, you might be tempted to conclude that every meal should work this way. But since you and your roommate likely have different tastes, it will probably work better to just share one or two meals a week at first. That way, if you’re a vegetarian, your roommate has some time to make meatloaf with abandon and you have time to experiment with tempeh.

Remember that cooking together doesn’t require you to eat together.  Planning a meal in advance can mean that one roommate sets up the crockpot at 2 pm and the other does the dishes at 10 pm. It can even mean that the preparing, shopping, and cooking gets done on a Sunday, with the resulting meals going into the freezer to be defrosted whenever they are needed during the week.

Let your roommate know if you’re not happy.  As with any roommate agreement, if you don’t like the way things are going, it’s better to speak up quickly and take steps to make changes sooner rather than later, before your discontent starts curdling into resentment. But…

Be diplomatic. Food can be very personal. Your roommate might feel much worse hearing “I don’t like your cooking” than “I don’t like your music.” Sometimes you may just want to smile and eat the casserole. If things really aren’t working, it may make more sense to end the meal planning than to get into a rigid stance and risk really hurting your roommate relationship.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock / Kzenon

Problem Solve to Avoid Drama with Your Roommate

Having a roommate should be more fun than fuss, so air out your differences early and effectively to avoid unnecessary roommate drama.

Attention drama queens and drama kings! Life with your roommate doesn’t have to feel like a never-ending soap opera. With a bit of patience and strategy, you can use smart problem-solving skills to avoid the drama and maintain a peaceful existence in your apartment.

Address it early
The thing about problems is that they only become problems when you let them get out of hand. Problem solve in advance to keep common roommate issues from blowing out of proportion. If you don’t discuss potential problems while they are just small annoyances, “could you please fold your laundry so I can use the dryer?” can quickly turn into “you never help out around here.”

Remember to offer solutions instead of simply stating what is bothering you. Being specific will help your roommate understand why the issue bothers you and could help him or her know how to fix the problem. Try a statement like this: “Sometimes your laundry is still in the dryer when I’m ready to use it. I hate to bother you and ask you to fold it right at that moment, but it would be great if you could clear the dryer in a timely way. Or could I place your laundry in a basket and set it aside?”

Ask the right way
When you’re offering solutions and asking for your roommate to change behavior, it’s important to ask in a respectful way. If you interrupt them during their favorite TV show or if you seem confrontational, they might get annoyed or defensive. Statements like “we need to talk” are vague and alert them that there’s a challenge ahead. Instead propose that you find 15 minutes for a household meeting to discuss what’s working and not working. In fact, it’s wise to have weekly roommate meetings so you can talk about everything from grocery lists to house rules. When you are used to having frequent discussions, it won’t be so difficult to problem solve when an issue comes up.

You can also improve your chances for a productive conversation if you remain calm. People tend to match each other’s energy level when talking. If you stay relaxed and speak in a calm manner, your roommate will likely follow your behavior.

Enlist a third party
If you are nervous about approaching your roommate to talk about a problem, invite a neutral party to mediate. Don’t just spring this on your roommate as a surprise. Instead, when you are having trouble agreeing on an issue, you might suggest that a level-headed friend listen to both sides and offer their solutions for compromise. It’s like having a therapist for your roommate drama.

Agree to disagree — agreeably
Another smart strategy for problem solving is to find a win-win situation. This way all parties get a little bit of what they want and no one has to feel like they’ve lost the battle. Enter your discussions with the goal of clearing the air, instead of looking for an argument. Use negotiation skills instead of fighting tactics. You can even take your negotiation to the next level by creating a roommate contract that outlines the behavior and responsibilities that each person agrees to. Creating a roommate agreement might make issues so clear that you never have to discuss them again!

Having a roommate should be more fun than fuss, so air out your differences early and effectively to avoid unnecessary roommate drama.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock / Hasloo Group Production Studio

College Apartment Decorating Ideas

Despite mismatched furniture, you and your roommates can create a cohesive living environment.

Living with roommates in a college apartment or house means lots of mismatched décor, furniture and opinions. Even if you’re living on your own, chances are that you’ve grabbed an old couch from your grandma’s basement and a recliner from the garage sale down the street. Whether you’re living with roommates or living on your own in college, there are lots of ways to create a cohesive look and feel and avoid stress in your living situation. Additionally, you can create a look that can stand the parties, and you can avoid creating a look that feels too stuffy and uninviting.

Your Personal Space
Although the easiest solution is to create “zones” where you have your space and your roommate has his or her own, it can potentially create problems if someone starts moving in on your zone. Keep your personal space to your bedroom, and you can decorate that room whatever way you want.

Unpack Everything
To help determine what items will fit in with the décor style, unpack all of your items. Identify items that will work for the common spaces: living room, dining room, den, kitchen and more. Determine if bigger items, such as the couch, coffee table and other furniture, will fit the space. Living with roommates can be tough enough, so the last thing you want is to be on top of one another, which can cause more fights.

Mismatched Furniture
If you provided a couch and your roommate moved in a love seat and both of which are mismatched, it can become a challenge. A simple solution is to purchase matching slipcovers to cover the couches. Determine the measurements of your couch. If you find that the slipcover gets pulled off of the couch easily, use PVC plumbing pipes to tuck the slipcovers in behind the cushions.

If there is a common color in both couches, consider purchasing throw pillows and/or a blanket that brings out that common color.

Create a uniform look with your coffee table and side tables by stripping, sanding and restaining the surface of the tables. Use a stain that will match with your dining room or kitchen table, if necessary.

Wall Décor
Stick to a particular color scheme and décor theme when hanging up items on the wall. Avoid covering your walls with art, pictures, etc., as it can make your space feel smaller. Keep it simple, and include pictures of your friends, your roommate’s friends, etc.

Area Rugs
Place a round area rug to add warmth to the room. Area rugs are perfect for apartments, as they absorb sounds, including those from noisy neighbors. If your furniture is neutral in color, adding a colorful area rug can give the space more character. Depending on the rug, it can help create a fun and welcoming vibe to your college space. Remember to consult with your roommate to get an area rug that incorporates your varying styles.

Kitchen
If each of you brought your own dishes, glasses, bowls, etc., get creative. The more eating utensils and the more dishes, the better; it’s not a bad problem to have. Consider alternating the dishes in the cupboard, or place the matching sets on individual shelves in the cupboard.

To have the kitchen table match the rest of the house, recover the chair cushions to match the fabric found in the living room. For example, find fabric that matches the throw pillows. This will create a uniform look, but it can also give your kitchen table more character.

Photo Credit: iStockphoto/kali9

How to Negotiate with a Roommate

When you work to communicate openly with your roommate, you can help prevent unpleasant surprises and keep both of you happy at home!

Living with a new roommate can be fraught. Even if you have experience sharing space with strangers, the two (or more) of you might have habits and quirks that occasionally irritate each other. Establishing some compromises early on can make life easier, however. 

Read on for some helpful tips for negotiating with a roommate.

  • Don’t be too needy. You and your roommate might be or end up as good friends, but it’s more important that you just get along. If you place too many expectations on a friendship with your roommate, you run the risk of interpreting actions that have nothing to do with you as personal rejection. Try to keep your interactions light and friendly.
  • Decide what’s most important to you. Do you need quiet after a certain hour? Are you an eager cook who wants plenty of space in the kitchen? When you recognize the details that matter most, you’ll know where best to communicate and compromise.
  • The more potentially damaging an issue, the more it needs to be discussed. One example would be the sharing of rent payments or other bills. If one of you were to forget to pay the electric bill, for instance, it could lead to your power getting cut off! Make sure to prioritize and discuss how you will both handle important home issues (like financial agreements) early on in your roommate relationship.
  • Get context. Your roommate is likely neither stupid nor out to get you. Getting to know him or her will allow you to place habits — even the ones that really annoy you — in context.
  • Don’t try to negotiate in the heat of the moment. About to blow your top? Try taking a walk or otherwise distracting yourself. You’ll be less likely to make your roommate feel defensive if you can approach a discussion calmly.
  • Don’t wait until you’re furious. If something’s really irritating you, it’s better to address it quickly than to let it fester for a long period of time.
  • Don’t attack. A better approach would be to use “I” statements and take responsibility for your feelings. “When you play your music loudly at 11 pm, I have trouble getting to sleep and I’m cranky the next day” goes over better than “thanks a lot for keeping me up last night.”
  • Be willing to make concessions. Even if you feel that you’re completely in the right, it may be in your best interest to offer a concession to your roommate.
  • Communicate directly. Your roommate will not be happy to hear from mutual friends — or via Facebook or Twitter, for that matter — that you have a problem with him or her. It is a healthy idea to communicate directly with your roommate about home living issues.
  • Consider a roommate agreement. A written agreement between you could be created to cover only the most basic potential issues, such as paying rent, or the agreement could be made more explicit and extensive. It can be helpful to set everything down in writing and to have a document to refer back to later to help settle any conflicts that come up.

Living with a roommate can be a lot of fun, not to mention helpful in covering living expenses. When you work to communicate openly with your roommate, you can help prevent unpleasant surprises and keep both of you happy at home!

Photo Credit: Shutterstock / Cindy Hughes

How to Host a Game Night in Your Apartment

Family enjoying game night

Know your audience to be able to host the perfect game night for family, friends or coworkers.

Photo Credit: iStockphoto/monkeybusinessimages

Hosting a game night is a great way to meet your neighbors, get to know your friends or coworkers better or bring your family closer together for one night a week or month. You could also find out critical personality traits from a romantic interest – you can learn a lot about a person by how they act when they’re competing. Whatever your reason for hosting game night, the best part is that you don’t need to decorate for it or send out invitations – a clean house is all you need to host a rowdy bunch of friends or a quiet group of coworkers. As for the next steps, read below for tips on how to host a game night that will ensure everyone has a good time.

Location

Decide if you want to host each game night at your house or if you want to rotate homes. If it’s at your house, move furniture around in your dining room, living room or den so everyone can sit facing each other, and bring in card tables and folding chairs if you need them. Let everyone invited know if your game night is BYOB or if you’re providing cocktails.

Games

Decide if you want a relaxing game night with wine and casual conversation, or if you want a more lively game night that brings out everyone’s personality. For the former, games such as Scrabble, Monopoly, Uno or traditional card games, such as poker, spades or even bridge are best. For the latter, games like Outburst, Pictionary, Yahtzee, Bunko, Scene It! or Twister will bring out everyone’s extroverted and competitive side.

Food

For eating during game night, there are two possible scenarios: Either you may be entirely too busy to eat, or your chosen games will wear you out so much that you’re left ravenous. Either way, finger foods that can sit out at room temperature or in a slow cooker are the answer for quick nourishment. Make easy meatballs by combining a package of thawed pre-made meatballs with a small jar of grape jelly and 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard, and to make pigs in a blanket, cut refrigerated biscuits into thirds, wrap around cocktail sausages and bake according to biscuit package directions. Set out bowls of Goldfish crackers and nut mixes and a raw vegetable platter. For dessert, slice refrigerated peanut butter or sugar cookie dough into rounds and stuff into the cups of mini-muffin tins. Bake as directed, and during the last minute of baking, press unwrapped Hershey’s Kisses or mini peanut butter cups into the tops of each cookie.

Extras

You don’t always have to have game night with the same group of people – vary it between coworkers, friends, members of an organization or sports club you belong to, family members and neighbors to see who best meshes together. Select games based on how well you know the people you invite; you don’t want to play Twister with people you hardly know (and they probably don’t either) – or a mild game of bridge with your rowdy siblings. Keep the evening casual in terms of food and cocktails to make everyone comfortable. Also, know the rules of each game before you play it and make sure everyone else is familiar enough with it, as constantly looking at the rule book will ruin the flow of your game. Listen to feedback from everyone at the end of each night to gauge whether or not to bring a game back or retire it for awhile.

How to Find Your Roommate Soulmate

Roommates moving in together

Find your ideal roommate match by following the tips below.

Photo Credit: iStockphoto/izusek

There are a ton of reasons why wanting to live with a roommate can be a good thing. A roommate can be someone to go out and do activities with, and you’ll never have to worry about coming home to an empty apartment. If you’re planning a trip, a roommate can look after the apartment while you’re away. And let’s face it: times are tough, so having someone to split rent and other expenses with can be a great option. It may seem easy in theory, but it’s actually a lot more difficult to find a roommate you can actually live with. Everyone has had their share of roommate horror stories, so before you sign a lease and say “I do” to a roommate, read on to find tips and tricks on how to find your roommate “soulmate.”

Know thyself
First things first: before you go out on your search for what you want in a roommate, you need to figure out what you can and cannot live with. Do you prefer having a quiet night in with a book, or are you a night owl looking for the next party? Are you looking for a best friend, or do you want more privacy? Do you prefer a male or female roommate, smoker or nonsmoker, pets or no pets? How do you feel about visitors or overnight guests? Are you a neat freak or a pig? Once you determine what you’re looking for, it will be a lot easier to screen potential candidates.

Screen, screen, screen
It may seem a little intense, but the best way to find a great potential roommate is to treat the process like a job search. Run a credit check to rule out applicants who might not be able to pay rent consistently and on time. Ask for the contact information of former roommates and landlords. Investigate a potential roommate’s current employment situation and work history, as well as residential history. Avoid pursuing a roommate that has bounced around from job to job and place to place. Set up a few phone calls with candidates and, if you don’t get a good vibe, don’t waste your time with a face-to-face meeting.

Communication and awareness
Once you’ve found a suitable roommate, make sure everyone’s on the same page about the big stuff. What is everyone’s share of the rent? How will paying for utillities be handled? Which bedroom belongs to whom? Will there be a cleaning schedule? Will there be any shared responsibilities, such as shopping for food or cooking? Will there be a quiet hour when TVs and stereos should be turned off? Once the rules and regulations are established, it will become a lot easier for everyone to coexist peacefully.